


Hope

by NestaArcheronWillKillMe



Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: Angst, Character Death, F/M, Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-22
Updated: 2018-09-22
Packaged: 2019-07-15 14:25:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 999
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16064999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NestaArcheronWillKillMe/pseuds/NestaArcheronWillKillMe
Summary: Written from a prompt given on Tumblr.I was asked to write a nessian pregnancy fic with angst or fluff.I picked angst.





	Hope

****

Banned. It wasn’t the first time it had happened to him, of course- namely the Summer court incident- but being banned from your own home, by your own wife and mate was a little more humbling. Cassian sighed and walked out into the rain, muttering under his breath about PMS and hormones, cursing himself until he found himself surrounded by trees. Great. He had f*cking trudged all the way to the f*cking forest. 

“Well, well, well, look who we have here.” The voice was like wind and Cassian felt that if he didn’t hold his ground he could be whipped away by it. “Lord of Bloodshed, how nice it is to see you- it's been awhile- years, munchkin. I wasn’t sure how long I could go on, although sweetheart Nesta has kept me going these last few months. She’s very pretty you know, especially with the glow.”

Cassian’s head snapped towards the Suriel at the mention of Nesta. “She caught you?” Of course, he knew she could, he just didn’t know why she would feel she needed to. It smiled. “She did.” 

“Why?” He demanded. 

“Why should I tell you, Cassian- what will you give me in return? How about a secret- the King Slayer gave me a rather tragic one.” That set his mind reeling, what had she been keeping from him and for how long? So many f*cking questions and not enough answers. 

“Fine. What secret do you wish to know?”

“How about...what was inside that box?” Cassian’s heart almost stopped. He should just leave, go back and camp at Azriel’s until Nesta calmed down. No. He had to know, damn his curiosity. 

“Fine.” He conceded again. “The box...the box was stupid- I still think that even after our marriage. Inside it was another, more embellished box in which my mother- Rhys’ really- kept keepsakes from my childhood. My first tooth, cuttings from my baby hair, my first tiny pair of shoes- all inside that one stupid small box. I wanted to show to her that we all grow, that I outgrew those tiny shoes and that I too lost my innocence and became something I always said I would never be. That I tackled every hurdle and fought to make myself a better male. I wanted to give her hope- in my head that is all that was inside that box. Hope.”

“And you regret that?”

“I do. She would have only seen the lost time- she still does in some ways. She would have thought of her father, as she still does, and regretted that he would never see his grandchildren. Would have blamed it on herself. She would have felt too much, as she still does, and would have thought it a bad thing. She would see that hope and stomp on it with a heel.”

The Suriel smirked. “I do love how oblivious you all seem to be. Go to your mate, Cassian, tell her all she wishes she knew. Her heart aches with curiosity just as yours does.” With that, it snatched Cassian’s cloak and disappeared into the forest.

Cassian all but ran back to the small inland cottage they shared. 

“Nesta!” He shouted as he knocked on the door. “Nes! Please, I need to talk with you!” The careful use of ‘with’ not ‘to’ always pleased her. 

The two locks on the door were hurriedly unbolted. “Where the hell have you been?! I’ve been trying to contact you for hours but you completely shut yourself off!” She pushed him. “I can’t believe you would do that to me! I had to call the others.” A quick look into their home confirmed that everyone- bar Amren who was off with Varian again- had gathered. He almost rolled his eyes before he took a look at Nesta’s face to find that her eyes were puffy and red. 

“Why have you been crying, sweetheart? I always come back, don’t I?” She sniffed and the vulnerability he saw in her eyes made him want to cradle her like a child.

“I have something to tell you.” Her voice was so small, his heart was racing. He nodded.

“Of course.” He took her hand and they moved to go sit in the living room until Nesta doubled over. It was almost too quick for Cassian to sense, but he caught her and sat her on the stairs. “Are you alright?” He asked, searching for any injury. 

She let out a sob. 

“We haven’t been able to get a coherent word out of her.” Mor supplied. 

“Cass, don’t leave.” She wheezed.

“I won’t, I promise.”

“You would have been such a great father.” His breath caught.

“What? Nes, its okay- we have time.”

“No. We don’t.” 

“Please, Nes, you’re okay. You have to be okay.” He was trying to reassure himself, just as much as he was her.

“I’m pregnant, Cass.” It hit him like a bus, he was elated.

“That’s great! Are you not happy?” She let out an even shakier breath than the last.

“I’m dying.” No.

“No.”

“Stomach cancer.” No.

“No.”

“I’m sorry. I thought it was just anaemia from the pregnancy but I went to the healer and...I’m so sorry.”

“You are not dying Nesta. You can’t. I need you. I can’t…” He was sobbing more than she was.

“I don’t know what I did wrong.”

“You didn't. Never.” He was holding her as if she were his lifeline. She was, really. “How long do we have left?”

“Three months, at best.” Another sob.

“We’ll make them count. I swear, we will have time.”

“We don’t Cass, there is no hope.” 

“There is always hope, Nes. Always.” He held her tighter, willing her to believe it.

“I love you, Commander.” Just like the first time she said those words, her voice cracked.

“I love you, Emissary.” They repeated it like a mantra for the remaining four months that she fought.

She was always stronger than people expected.

**Author's Note:**

> SORRY


End file.
